


How You Say, Mon Dieu!

by vortexofdeduction



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Innuendo, Language Kink, Letters, M/M, Pickup Lines, Pining, Requited Pining, Romantic Tension, Sexual Tension, french kink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 10:58:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6003241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vortexofdeduction/pseuds/vortexofdeduction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When John begins receiving letters in French from a secret admirer, he goes to Lafayette for help to translate them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thanks to tumblr users alexandrhamilton, without whom this fic may never have started, and ask-Henriette-Lafayette, without whom this fic may never have continued. Alexandrhamilton graciously agreed to translate all the French, which is good because I know nothing and I don't trust google translate. Ask-Henriette-Lafayette helped me when I hit writers block at chapter 4 and then beta read for the rest of the fic. She even provided some great ideas of her own that I added in!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated the French now that I'm taking French on Duolingo. Only a few minor changes in this chapter.

John held the letter close to his heart. He had been waiting for far too long. Maybe now would be the day Alex would finally tell him. John could feel it in every interaction: the lingering glances, the touches that were just a bit longer than strictly necessary, the way the irritatingly loquacious man sometimes seemed at a loss for what to say. And yet he was still afraid he was reading too much into it, seeing something that wasn't there. To jump to conclusions, to come on to a man who didn't reciprocate... it wouldn't just be awkward, it would be dangerous. In this day and age, there was no telling what might happen. Best to just suffer in silence and wait for a sign. Laurens sighed. Was he actually taking a page out of Burr's book? Alex would hate him for that. Alex! John had almost forgotten about the letter.

He slowly slid his hands under the flap, fingers tingling as realized this paper had passed through Alex's hands. He had gone to such lengths to write a letter, to seal it up, to send it on its way, all so that he could reach his dear Laurens. But no, Laurens was getting ahead of himself. He hadn't even examined the contents yet. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for anything he might be about to read. If it was... he almost felt guilty at the involuntary shudder of pleasure at the thought. But what if it wasn't... no, he mustn't think of that. Better to read the letter now and stop agonizing. Another deep breath. He gently grasped the paper, unfolding it with meticulous care so as not to damage one inch of it. "Come on, John, you can do this," he whispered. He drew his gaze to the paper.

_Laurens, je vous aime beaucoup. Votre sens de la bravoure ne cessera jamais de m'étonner. Vous vous battez toujours pour ce que vous croyez. Je vous aime pour cela. Et vous êtes si mignon ! Merci, John. J'espère que vous allez bien. C'est ainsi que les gens commencent habituellement leurs lettres, non ? Peut-être penser à toi a dispersé mes extraordinaire cerveau. Je suis vraiment en train de devenir fou de vous, vous savez. Il suffit d'un mot de votre part et je serai dans votre lit en un battement de cœur. Je ne me soucie guère des conventions sociales, surtout si elles me séparent de vous. Je n'aime rien en ce monde autant que vous. Et pourtant aussi désespérément que je vous désire, je crains que vous ne puissiez pas réciproquement. Enfin, aujourd'hui, sachez que vous êtes aimé, et je vais rester Votre admirateur secret._

The words danced across the page with the kind of beauty only unfamiliarity can provide. John's eyes trailed along, lingering on every word and phrase, admiring the shape and formation. It made no sense to him, but he didn't appreciate it any less. Alex... was amazing. John sat up with a start as he realized he still didn't know what the letter said. He stood, his sense of urgency growing. What did it it say? Was this finally the confession John had been hoping for? Was it merely Alex trying to show off as usual? Was it an excuse to practice his French? What was Alex saying? John's eyes scanned the letter again, searching for some kind of sign, something recognizable. Nothing. In fact, the letter wasn't even signed. Of course, it had to be Alex. After receiving and reading and rereading countless letters, there was no mistaking the man's handwriting. So, Alex was writing to John in French, a language he had no knowledge of. Well, he would simply have to find someone to help him.

* * *

"Laurens, what are you doing here so late?" Lafayette asked, half shocked, half exhausted. It had been a long day, and he had only just managed to fall asleep.

John seemed to sense the irritation. "Sorry to bother you, it's just, I um... have a matter that needs your attention. Sooner rather than later, if you don't mind." John ducked his head. Lafayette examined the man. Was he... blushing? Something was going on, that was certain.

"Well, if you insist. What do you need?"

"It's um... this." John handed Lafayette the letter, and Lafayette thought he noticed a hint of hesitancy in the former's manner. "I got a letter today, and I don't understand any of it. I was hoping maybe you could help, seeing as you know French." John's voice got softer with every word, until 'French' was barely a whisper.

Lafayette nodded. "It will be my pleasure." John watched in silence as the other first smiled, then blushed, then gasped, then gaped. "Mon Dieu!" John nodded, cheeks reddening as a smile crept across his face. "Who is this from?" Lafayette asked.

"It doesn't say," John answered, which was technically true. A short pause. "So? What does it say?"

"Right, the letter," Lafayette said a little too loudly, attempting to regain his composure. "Laurens, some of this letter is... how you say, indecent? Risqué."

"Risqué," John repeated. A smile flickered across his face, then vanished as quickly as it had come.

Lafayette frowned. "Oh, sorry. It means..."

John shook his head. "I know what it means. We use it in English too."

"Oh." More silence.

"I'm uh, still waiting on that letter."

"Ah yes," Lafayette said, scratching the back of his neck and fiddling with his ponytail. He took a slow breath, as if that could delay the inevitable. " _Laurens, I like you a lot._ "

"I like you too, Lafayette," John said, shoving Lafayette playfully. "Now get on with it."

"Non, Monsieur, that is what the letter says. Shall I continue?" John nodded, the smile returning. Lafayette chuckled, his gaze falling to John's lips. John pursed his lips, slipping back into a frown. Lafayette sighed, his eyes returning to the letter. " _Your sense of bravery will never cease to amaze me_. Hm. This man seems to have a way with words. Or he simply spent a lot of time on this letter." Although John knew the former was surely the truth, he smiled to think of Alex spending hours trying to pen the perfect prose. The man did write like he was running out of time. " _You will always fight for what you believe in, and I like that._ Now on that, I certainly agree with this person. You are amazing, John. _And you're just so freaking cute!_ "

John stared and blushed. "Um... thanks." He shifted his gaze toward the ground.

"No, no, I wasn't... it... the letter..." Lafayette's voice trailed off. "Never mind. _I hope this letter finds you well._ "

"But why isn't that in the beginning?"

" _Perhaps thinking about you has scattered my top-notch brain_."

John laughed. "Surely it can't be that hard to read a letter!"

"Those are not my words, John." When had Lafayette started calling him 'John'? Laurens had vague recollections of a conversation in which Lafayette insisted that first names were far too familiar for mere friends. Or perhaps it was just that Lafayette hated his first name.

"John, are you listening to me?" John returned to the present with a start as he realized he'd been staring at Lafayette for an unusually long time. " _I really am going mad for you, you know_." John resumed his staring, this time with a hint of surprise and curiosity. " _If you would but say the word, I would be in your bed in a heartbeat._ "

"You... what?" John spluttered. "Whatwhenhowwhywherewhenwho..." the words tumbled out of his mouth, not so much actual questions as a general expression of surprise and confusion.

"John, ma chèr, you forget I am reading."

"You, um… what? You do remember you're translating from French for me, right? Not adding more French into the mix?" John turned away, trying to calm his breathing.

"I apologize for my unhelpful words," Lafayette said with uncustomary formality. " _I care not for societal conventions, especially if they would keep me from you_." John's eyebrows shot up. Lafayette continued, unabashed. " _I do love nothing in the world so much as you_." Smiles and frowns battled for control of John's face, and it was difficult to tell which won. Lafayette sighed and took a deep breath, looking John straight in the eyes. " _And yet as desperately as I desire you, I fear you might not reciprocate._ " There was a moment of silence. And then another. "So for now, know that you are loved, a _nd I shall remain your secret admirer_. Ooh, John, you have a secret admirer!" Lafayette commented in a schoolgirl voice.

John snatched the letter out of Lafayette's hands. Their fingers brushed against each other, but neither man acknowledged it. "Thank you for your help," he said a little too briskly, all but running away.

"You're welcome," Lafayette whispered, even though he knew John wouldn't hear it. The man was long gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Lafayette’s loving eyes lingered longingly on Laurens. He shook his head. It would never happen. John didn’t feel the same way… or did he? He had just given Lafayette a love letter. But it wasn’t John’s letter, the handwriting was completely different. Who was it from, then? It didn’t matter. John had an admirer, and Lafayette ought to back off. Lafayette hadn’t even realized Laurens was gay… that was what the letter was implying, wasn’t it? Why else the line about societal conventions? Definitely a guy. But John was married! Come to think of it, though, Martha seemed like the sort of woman who might be… open to the other arrangements. Stop it, he told himself. It was wrong to think like that. Wrong to think of another man like that? No, wrong to think of John, his friend, his irresistibly adorable, intelligent, sexy, cute… Lafayette rubbed his cheeks vigorously, trying to get rid of crimson blush spreading across his face. Of course, it only grew, much to his frustration. Lafayette sighed. He was smitten. With a man. A man who would probably never feel the same way, much less dare to act on it.

* * *

John sighed, his face beaming. The letter, it was so beautiful! What sweet seduction, what open invitation… and it had to be from Hamilton. His essence emanated from it in a way that John was intimately familiar with. Alex. Alex, with his unbridled energy and breathtaking beauty and captivating presence and smooth smile and wonderful hair and cute French accent… French accent? That wasn’t Alex! Who was John thinking of, Lafayette? Lafayette. No. No. John loved Alex, surely. Alex loved him. That was good enough, wasn’t it? Why would he need anyone else? Why would he want anyone else? Why? Nevermind why, how? What was wrong with him? Love two people? But… people loved many people all the time. John loved his family (maybe, that was debatable), he loved Washington, he loved his fellow soldiers… it wasn’t the same. And why not? Who was to say he couldn’t love more than one person? But, he would have to pick eventually, wouldn’t he? John buried his face in his hands. This was not good. This was very not good. Either way was a loss. There was no right answer. Why? Why did this have to happen? Best to swear off both. And live a life of misery? No, that would be no better, it would be much worse. Perhaps he could let time and circumstances decide. For now, he would make no moves, just see how things played out.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated the translation. Now uses tu instead of vous to be more informal.

John slid his fingers along the opening, careful not to damage the envelope. It may have seemed strange, but he considered every part of the letter sacred. Like the last, this was anonymous. And like the last, John was sure it was Alex’s doing. John took a deep breath, drawing his gaze to the strange script.

_John, mon John. Hélas, ce n'est qu'un vœu pieux. Si vous étiez mien, je n'aurais pas besoin de ces lettres, et je vous proclame quotidiennement mon amour pour vous de manière très intime et agréable. Si j'étais vôtre, nous passions notre temps au bonheur, et vous seriez enchanté avec moi. Ne pensez pas que je suis simplement vaniteux, John, sachez que je serai, et en fait je le suis déjà, tout autant amoureux de vous, sinon plus. Et pourtant, c'est pour cette raison que je dois encore m'abstenir de révéler mon identité. Je ne souhaite que le meilleur pour vous, mon cher Laurens. Je ne souhaite rien de plus que votre bonheur et sécurité, et j'ai terriblement peur de ne pas être assez pour vous. Je sais que vous serez plus que suffisant pour moi. Oh, John, veuillez venir. Veuillez être à moi. Regardez, vous m'avez réduit à la mendicité. Je ne veux que vous. J'ai besoin de vous. John._

John smiled. He stared down at his hands, which had at some point begun stroking the paper as if it were an adequate substitute for the man himself. John chuckled at this. He wondered what compliments, what innuendos, what ridiculous ideas the letter contained. Of course, there was no need for speculation, now that he had someone.

* * *

“John? I only just got up, give me a minute,” Lafayette mumbled. He was still in his nightgown which really didn’t leave much to the imagination.

John forced himself to stop staring. “Come on, please, can we just do it now?”

Lafayette’s eyebrows shot up. “Come again?”

“Oh, um, sorry, wrong wording. What I meant…” John trailed off, blushing furiously and avoiding Lafayette’s gaze.

“Ah, you have another letter, non?” John nodded, still not looking up. “Well then, let me see it!” Lafayette said with a smile. John passed the letter to Lafayette. Again their fingers touched, and again neither man said anything, though a careful observer would have noticed a slight blush from both. Lafayette perused the letter, moving so slowly John was certain the man was intentionally teasing him.

“And?” John asked.

“Patience, John!” Lafayette insisted, starting again at the beginning. John groaned. Lafayette glared at John. In a split second judgement, he grabbed his pillow and gently whacked John. After taking a second to gasp in mock offense, John reached for the nearest object, which turned out to be a blanket and not a pillow. Soon they were completely tangled in the sheets. John noticed with surprise that Lafayette had continued to read the letter the entire time. After a few more seconds of almost touching, staring into each other’s eyes, each feeling the other’s breath hot on their neck, Lafayette spoke.

“ _John_.”

“Yes?”

“ _My John_.” John gasped. Lafayette pointed to the letter. “ _Alas, that is but wishful thinking. Were you mine_ …” Lafayette paused at the word mine, as if tasting in his mouth. "Oh, it's a different 'you'. More informal. More... intimate." He smiled, thinking about that for a little while. “ _Were you mine, I would have no need of these letters as I would daily proclaim my love to you in a most intimate, agreeable manner._ ” Perhaps it was just John’s imagination, but Lafayette seemed to have gotten quite a bit closer. John said nothing, enjoying the moment rather than questioning it. “ _Were I yours, we would spend our time in bliss, and you would be delighted with me_.” John laughed. “Don’t mock this person, they are serious!” Lafayette tried to hit John with a pillow, but somehow he ended up just stroking John’s cheek, which was awkward for both parties. Lafayette cleared his throat and stared intently at the letter. “ _Do not think I am merely conceited, John, know that I would be, and in fact I am, just as enamoured with you, if not more_. See, I told you it’s serious!”

John rolled his eyes. “Just get on with it!”

Lafayette tried to playfully shove John, but somehow he ended up pulling him into an embrace. Both men tensed for a moment, then relaxed. Lafayette gently slid his arms off of John to hold the letter. “ _And yet it is for this very reason that I yet refrain to reveal my identity. I desire only the best for you, my dear Laurens_. Aww, aren’t they sweet?” Lafayette almost blew a kiss, but then he recalled the past few events and his close proximity to John and thought better of it. “ _I want nothing more than your happiness and security, and I am terribly afraid that I will not be enough for you._ Oh, John, you have to help this person. Don’t you have any idea who it could be?” John remained silent. “Never mind, it doesn’t matter. _I know that you would be more than enough for me_.” John smiled, and Lafayette was so caught up in it that he almost forgot to read the rest. “ _Oh, John, please come_ ,” he whispered. John snapped up to face Lafayette, then remembered it was a letter and relaxed back into the bed. Lafayette saw the disturbance but thought it best not to comment. “ _Please be mine. Look, you’ve reduced me to begging. I want you. I need you. John._ ” Lafayette was breathless, not from the words, but from the emotion of it all. “Oh, and uh, it’s signed “your secret admirer” like the other one,” Lafayette added abruptly.

John nodded. He looked around the bed, then jumped back as if suddenly realizing their compromising position. “I should go before anyone sees us,” he said quietly. “Thank you,” he whispered, taking the letter and clutching it to his heart.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated the French in this chapter.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“So, you still tired of ‘manning George’s journal’, as you put it?” John asked, smirking.

Alex laughed. “John, you have the same job as me.”

“Yes, but unlike you, I haven’t complained. So, writing?”

“It’s going quite well, as long as I have you here to keep me company,” Alex said with a wink.

“I um… y-yeah, that’s great. I’m glad to have you, too,” John said, his face flushing.

“Speaking of writing, I found this,” Alex said, holding up a letter.

John barely had to glance at it before he recognized the envelope. His eyes lit up, and a corner of his mouth lifted. “Oh really?”

“Yes, I…” Alex paused for a second, his cheeks reddening. “I think it’s for you,” he offered, tentatively laying the letter on the desk. “Well, I’ll uh… leave you to it,” he said, walking away a little too briskly.

John stared at the envelope. Had that really just happened? But that would mean… he grabbed the letter off the desk, ripping open the envelope. The letter was in French again, of course, but that didn’t bother John. He knew what to do by now. All the same, he took a moment to admire the beautiful writing. 

_MMon cher, John, je ne peux pas attendre plus longtemps. J'ai besoin d'être avec toi. Cela me fait mal de ne pas te le dire, eh bien, c'est une guerre. Je ne sais pas si nous allons en sortir vivants. Je ne peux pas te laisser partir sans te montrer combien tu signifie pour moi. Et il y a tellement de choses que je veux faire pour toi. Seulement si tu le souhaite, bien sûr. J'ai passé beaucoup de temps à parler de la façon dont je te aime, que je crains d'avoir négligé de te décrire comment je ne veux que toi. Si tu ne souhaite aussi que moi, j'ai un plan. Rencontrez-moi à la tente à 10h. Ne t'inquiète pas, j'ai pris des dispositions. La tente sera vide parce que Washington s'occupera de tous les envoyer sur les tâches importantes. Je lui ai dit que j'avais besoin d'eux pour relire mes lettres au Congrès. À la façon dont ces hommes travaillent, nous aurons toute la nuit. Ce qui signifie que je vais avoir toute la nuit pour travailler sur toi. On me dit que je parle bien, mais je peux peut-être utiliser ma langue pour une meilleure utilisation. Vos lèvres sont trop belles pour être seules, je pense qu'il est temps de les familiariser un peu plus avec les miennes. Et quand nous en aurons fini avec cela, j'obtiendrai d'autres endroits à explorer. J'aurais pour mission de la déplacer à travers votre corps entier, conquérant chaque dernière partie de toi jusqu'à ce que tu ne pouvais rien faire sauf succomber au plaisir que j'apporte. Et bien sûr, j'aimerais te donner toute chance de me conquérir en retour, je ne désire rien d'autre que d'être à votre merci, et je vais tomber à genoux et mendier si c'est ce dont tu avez besoin. Tout ce que je sais c'est que j'ai besoin de toi, et si tu as besoin de moi, il n'y a aucune raison d'attendre. Je suis ici et prêt à toi exciter d'un seul coup. Tu sais que je suis fiable avec les dames, mais je te promets que je peux être tout aussi fiable avec les hommes, sinon plus. Je suis prêt pour toi, en fait mon pantalon est en ce moment-même en train de me rappeler de ce fait, et je ne sais quelle est votre réaction à la lecture de cette lettre, mais j'espère que tu es prêt pour moi. Je vais te baiser comme un professionnel, mais tu peux obtenir mes services à titre gratuit. Je t’aurai jusqu'à ce que tu veux crier mon nom… Mais nous ne pouvons pas avoir cela, nul ne doit être autorisé à entendre. C'est une projection privée, pas un jeu pour le peuple. Ne t'inquiète pas, j'ai les moyens de toi faire garder le silence. Oh mon Dieu, John, j'ai besoin de toi. Votre corps est le temple, et ma seule prière est que tu me laissiez venir pour l'adorer. Chaque service passe avec béatitude, chaque seconde est une source pour un obscène désir. Mais cependant mes désirs peuvent être un péché, je n'hésiterai donc pas à agir sur eux. J'espère te voir ce soir. Chaque moment de réveil est une agonie jusqu'à ce que je puisse voir ton visage. Viens, et me sortir de ma misère._

John smiled, running off to share the words with Lafayette.


	5. Chapter 5

“Laurens!” John jumped at the sound of Washington’s voice. “I don't know what’s kept you so busy that you thought you could show up to work this late, and frankly I don't care. What I do care about is that you get back to work. If you want to have even a chance of getting the permission to start that black battalion you're always talking about, you need to prove yourself responsible.”

“Yes, sir. I'm sorry, sir.” John lowered his head.

“Don’t apologize, just get started.”

“Of course, sir.”

John stabbed his quill into the inkwell, then pulled it out to furiously scrape across the paper. Maybe if he wrote fast enough, he could get to Lafayette. He needed to know the contents of that letter. John gripped the quill tight, realizing that at some point it had changed to an entirely different object in his mind’s eye. A dot of ink spilled onto the paper. John had allowed himself to get distracted. It would not happen again. His quill raced across the page at a rate so feverish it almost rivaled Alexander’s. Alexander. John needed him. He needed Lafayette. Oh, he just needed someone! The pressure was building up, and John could feel the explosion coming. Not now, not here. Just finish the work. Every word brought thousands of unbidden ideas and sentiments, dragging him deeper into the mess that both terrified and delighted him. It was everything he desired, and it was just outside his reach. As much as he wanted to thrust himself into this wholeheartedly, he dared to come into such a situation. He had to know what more Alex had to say. The pressure returned, and it was all John could manage not to scream at it to stop. But really, he didn’t want it to stop. He wanted it to keep coming. He wanted to know, he… he looked down at the paper. Somehow John had managed to write something coherent in spite of himself. He took a moment to slow his breathing, gently dipping the quill in the ink to continue with his work. It was much calmer now, like a dance. Alex was an excellent dancer. John wanted to hold him close and feel every inch of him and… no. Now was not the time. He sighed. And still that pressure came, always growing stronger. Even when he wasn’t writing, John could feel it. His whole body hungered for release, and he didn’t know when or if he would get it. All he knew was that if he didn’t act soon, it would overcome him completely.

Washington loomed over John’s shoulder. “Good work. That will be all for now, Laurens.”

“Yes, sir!” John said, jumping so quickly he almost hit Washington in the face. Washington sighed and shook his head. John ran out the door before the man even had time to comment.


	6. Chapter 6

John sprinted into Lafayette’s tent, slamming into him at full speed. “Slow down, mon ami,” Lafayette said, laughing. John blushed, thrusting the letter into Lafayette’s hands. “Ah, now I see what has you in such a hurry.” John nodded vigorously. Lafayette glanced at the letter. “This one is a bit longer than the others.”

“Let’s find out why,” John said. Lafayette nodded and began reading. His eyes skimmed over the words, slowed, then stopped completely. “Is there something wrong?”

“Non, c’est bien,” Lafayette replied hastily, returning to the letter. With each word, his eyes grew wider. His face flickered between smiles and frowns. His gaze faltered, then halted. “John, I’m not sure I should be reading this,” he said, setting the letter on the table.

“Why?” John frowned, picking up the letter and looking at it again. “Is it too long? If you don’t have time, I guess it can wait until later, I’d just hoped…”

Lafayette shook his head. “No, that’s not the problem.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“It’s, um… I don’t think it’s meant for anyone else to read. It’s uh, how you say? Pour tes yeux seulement.” John stared at Lafayette. “For your eyes only.”

“Oh.” John sighed. “But if you don’t read it, I’ll never know what it says.” Silence. “Would you rather I go to someone else?”

“No, no, I’ll read it!” Lafayette protested, grabbing the letter out of John’s hands. He resumed reading.

John watched as Lafayette blushed, gasped, shuddered… and perhaps John was imagining things, but he could have sworn he heard Lafayette moan. John wasn’t quite sure what to make of that. He looked back at Lafayette and… wait, were those tears in Lafayette’s eyes? “Lafayette?” John asked tentatively.

Lafayette shook his head. “Sorry, I just… need a minute.”

“Of course.” John sat down on the bed. “Take all the time you need.”

After far too long of a minute, Lafayette stood up and took a deep breath. “ _My dearest John_. Well, that's not quite right, there's a comma here, it's um… it doesn't fit, but I'm not sure if it's a mistake of if it’s intentional.”

John furrowed his brows. “How do you mean?”

“Well, with the comma, it sounds like this: _My dearest, John_. Very different meaning.”

John smirked. “So, you ready to tell me the rest?”

“ _I can't wait any longer_.”

John raised his eyebrows. “Oh really?”

“ _It's killing me not to tell you_ ,” Lafayette cried. “ _and, well, this is a war._ ” John nodded. “ _I don't know if we'll make it out alive_ ,” he said slowly, as if he couldn't bear to let the words escape from his lips.

"I'm sorry, this is clearly too much, I'll go.” John started to walk away.

Lafayette grabbed his arm. John looked at Lafayette’s arm, then back up to his eyes. “ _I can't let you leave without showing you how much you mean to me_.”

"Is that the letter talking or you?”

“And why can’t it be both?” Lafayette wanted to say. Instead, he just smiled and kept reading. “ _And there are so many things I want to do to you_.”

The corner of his mouth quirked up. “Show me.”

“ _Only if you want, of course._ ”

“Oh, but I do,” John said, walking towards the other man, who stared in shock.

“I, um… this is très agréable,” Lafayette whispered. “ _I’ve spent so much time talking about how I love you that_...”

Now it was John’s turn to stare. “You… love me?”

“ _I fear I’ve neglected to describe how I want you_.”

John stepped closer, until they were less than an inch apart. “And how do you want me?”

“ _If you also want me_...” John nodded. “ _I have a plan_.”

“Does this plan involve taking our clothes off?”

Lafayette smiled briefly, then became expressionless. “ _Meet me at the tent at 10PM. Don’t worry, I’ve made arrangements_.”

John frowned. “Tent… arrangements… oh. Oh! Lafayette, what time is it?”

Lafayette frowned. “About ten minutes to ten, I think?”

John gasped. “Faster!” Lafayette stared at John. “I meant the letter, Lafayette.”

“Oh. Right. Of course,” Lafayette said, his sigh barely audible. “ _The tent will be empty because I got Washington to send them all off on important tasks. I told him I’d need them all to proofread my letters to Congress_.”

John chuckled. “Typical.”

“Of whom? John, do you know…”

“What? Of course not!” he spluttered.

Lafayette just shook his head. “ _The way those men work, we’ll have all night. Which means I’ll have all night to work on you_.” He raised his eyebrows. “Sounds like somebody’s going to be having a good time,” he teased.

“Guess I better get going, then,” John said, just as the smile began to fade from Lafayette’s mouth.

“Don’t go!” John turned around. “There’s um… there’s more in the letter,” Lafayette said sheepishly. “I haven’t finished yet.”

John smiled. “I suppose I could let you finish.”

“ _I've been told I'm very good at speaking, but perhaps I can put my tongue to a better use_.”

John raised a brow. “Such as…?”

“ _Your lips look too beautiful to be alone_ ,” Lafayette answered, staring at them. “ _I think it's about time they became a little better acquainted with mine_.”

John blushed. “Oh!”

“Yes, this secret admirer, he’s quite the poet, isn’t he?”

“Yeah,” John sighed. “Wait, how did you know it’s a man?”

Lafayette shrugged. “The first letter mentioned societal conventions, so I thought maybe… and then with this letter I realized you’d have to be in the same tent for you to know what he meant by ‘the tent’. And of the people in that tent…” Lafayette chuckled. “It’s Alex, isn’t it.” John said nothing. “Aha, I know what that means,” Lafayette said, punching John lightly in the shoulder. “You like him, don’t you?” Again, nothing. “Alright, I’ll keep reading. _And when we're done with that, I've got other places I'd like to explore_.”

“Got anywhere in mind?” John winked.

“ _I'm on a mission to move across your entire body, conquering every last part of you until you can do nothing but succumb to the pleasure I provide_.”

“Oh, I’m sure you can provide me pleasure.”

“ _And of course I'd give you full chance to conquer me in return, for I desire nothing more than to be at your mercy, and I will fall to my knees and beg if that's what you need_.”

“At my mercy? On your knees? Well, I think that can be arranged,” John said, gently trailing his fingers across Lafayette’s legs. He slowly pressed his hands down on Lafayette until the man was on his knees. “Now then, tell me more,” he said, placing his hands on Lafayette’s, which were still holding the letter.

“ _All I know is that I need you, and if you need me, there's no reason to wait for it_.” John’s hands slid lower. “Actually, there is a reason to wait for it, John. You are forgetting that there is another person who very much wants you and is expecting you at the tent.” John blushed and took a few steps back. “ _I'm right here and ready to take you apart with one blow_. And he’s over there.” John nodded, his forehead furrowed. “ _You know I'm reliable with the ladies_ …” they both took a moment to laugh.

“That is so like Alex to say!”

“... _but I promise you I can be just as reliable with the men, if not more so_. I wonder if he’s speaking from experience?”

“If he’s not, pretty soon he will be!” John joked.

Lafayette laughed, turning his face away for a moment. “ _I am ready for you, in fact my pants are at this very moment reminding me of that fact_...”

“My pants are reminding me of a lot of things,” John said, looking down at both his and Lafayette’s pants.  
“... _and I know not what your reaction is upon reading this letter_ … clearly a good one! ... _but I certainly hope you are ready for me_. Are you? Ready for him, mon ami?”

Lafayette had barely finished the first question when John began to answer. “Of course I…” he paused for a second, blushing. “Yes, I am.”

“ _I'm going to fuck you like a professional, but you can get my services free of charge_.” Both of them were breathing hard, and Lafayette could think of nothing but to continue. “ _I would have you until you're screaming my name_ …”

“Lafayette,” John whispered. “Alex,” he moaned.

Lafayette’s eyes darted to the door of the tent. He placed a finger on John’s lips. “ _But we can't have that, no-one must be allowed to hear_.”

“And why not?” John asked, his lips still under Lafayette’s fingers.

“ _This is a private showing, not a play for the masses_.”

“Private? I feel honored.” John smiled. “Now tell me, how am I supposed to be quiet enough that the public doesn’t crowd around to enjoy the performance?”

“ _Don't worry, I have ways of keeping you silent_.”

“I’m sure you do.”

“Oh God, John, I need you.”

“I need you, too,” John said, walking towards Lafayette so that they were again almost touching.

“ _Your body is a temple, and my only prayer is that you will let me come in and worship_.”

“Then consider your prayers answered,” John whispered, lowering his hands to his pants.

“ _Every service spent in heavenly bliss, every second a source for sinful desire_.”

“Yes,” he gasped.

“ _But however sinful my desires may be, I would not hesitate to act on them_."

“Nor would I,” John murmured, stepping even closer.

“ _I shall hope to see you tonight_. You better get going John, someone’s waiting for you. Oh look, he ended it with a little poem. How sweet! _Every moment is waking agony until your face I then do see. Come, and put me out of my misery_.”

“What time is it?”

“About fifteen minutes past ten, I think.”

“Fifteen!” John yelped, his face flushing scarlet. “Thanks for, you know, all that,” he said, running out the door.

“You’re welcome,” Lafayette sighed wistfully.

No sooner had John left than Alex entered. “What have you been doing with John?” he asked, glaring at Lafayette.

Lafayette frowned. “Come again?”

Alex’s eyes narrowed. “I just saw him leave your tent late at night, there is definitely something going on,” he pressed, stepping towards Lafayette.

Lafayette took a moment to let that sink in, which was a mistake. A multitude of feelings began to rise up in his chest, but one overcame them all. “And why is it any of your business?” he asked harshly, crossing his arms and accidentally brushing against Alex, who bristled at the touch.

Alex stood still as a pillar, refusing to give an answer. Only his eyes moved, scrutinizing every detail as if Lafayette’s very appearance would yield the explanation he desired. Lafayette locked eyes with Alexander, and he felt as if the man was burning him to the core. Still, Lafayette did not yield. The harsh flames turned to a soft glow, and part of him wanted to remove his gaze immediately, but another part told him to hold on, to see what would happen. Lafayette held fast, and it was Alex who broke first. “I happen to like him, you know,” he said quietly.  
“And what makes you think you have first rights to him?”

“I…”

“What have you done to show him your affection?” Lafayette asked, instinctively stepping forward.

Alex looked at the distance between them. “I’ve written letters, giving him all the reasons and details. More than enough, I think,” he said, pushing Lafayette back.

“I know,” Lafayette said, advancing. “I’ve read them.”

Alex’s face flushed redder than Lafayette had ever seen. “You…” he spat out the word, suddenly at a loss for how to finish the sentence.

“You do realize he doesn’t know French, right?” Alex’s mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. “Go,” Lafayette said, gently nudging Alex’s shoulder. “He’s waiting for you.” Alex nodded, still silent, and ran out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops I forgot to post the last bit of this chapter. Here you go.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after a lot of thought, I decided to put this into a separate (albeit very short) chapter. Get ready for ANGST!!!

Lafayette sighed, pressing his head into his hands. This was too much. He was crushed under the weight of fervent emotions and desires, intertwined so closely he could not distinguish them from each other. And he wasn’t sure what he had, but he was pretty sure he’d just lost it all, whatever it was. He never should have gotten into this in the first place. Everything had spiraled down… no. There had been many great moments, but they were all fleeting, momentary glimpses into pleasure, passing glances through a window into a life he wished he could have. But that would never happen. He’d resigned himself to that fact a long time ago. Better to just enjoy the good things as they came, rather than try to hold onto something that always eluded his grasp. And here he hadn’t even tried to hold on. He had all but thrown it away. There were so many ways those interactions could have gone, no doubt some could have played out in his favor. But he threw away the cards, refusing to buy in. This was not a game.


	8. Chapter 8

Alex raced to the tent, the cold wind whipping past him. John. He had just seen him. He had to find him. He had to be there. He needed him. John. John. John! Every second it took Alex to get to him was a second he couldn’t spend with John. Alex put in a last burst of speed and hurtled into the tent, only to land right on top of John.

“Well I knew you were eager, but I didn’t realize you were _that_ eager!” John laughed.

“Oh shut up,” Alex replied, playfully shoving John towards the bed.

“Make me.”

“You know I intend to do just that.” Alex smirked.

John rolled his eyes. “How am I ever going to put up with you?”

“Just put yourself in my shoes. By which I mean put yourself in me.”

“Alex!” John scolded, pushing him onto the bed.

Alex simply laughed and waggled his eyebrows. “You know you want it.”

John nodded, sliding into the bed. “I only wish I could have gotten it earlier.”

Alex sighed. “I’m sorry. I thought French would be a good way to make the letters harder to be read by others, I didn’t realize that was shutting you out too.”

John shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.” Alex opened his mouth in protest, only to gasp when John placed a finger on it before he could speak. “I mean it.” Alex smiled against John’s finger. “Actually, would you mind reading those letters to me again?” John took the letters out of a pocket right by his chest.

Alex took them, a small smile forming. “ _Laurens, I like you a lot_.” Alex’s smile grew bigger, then changed into a frown. “I really am sorry I wrote them in French.” He lowered his head. “I fucked up.”

John shook his head. “Fuck me up in French, please.”

Alex cocked his head to the side. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Oh, um…” John blushed. “Could you read the letters to me in French?”

Alex laughed. “Anything for you, mon cheri.” John’s face flushed even further, and his smile widened. “ _Laurens, je vous aime beaucoup_.”

“Alex, je vous aime beaucoup,” John said in his best imitation of Alex’s voice. It was mangled and thick with John’s southern drawl, but Alex smiled nevertheless.

“But perhaps we should skip ahead to something more intimate,” Alex suggested, moving closer to John. “ _Avez-vous été la mienne, je n'aurais pas besoin de ces lettres que je voudrais proclament quotidiennement mon amour pour vous dans une plus intime, accord_.”

“I have no idea what that means but I would love to do it,” John said.

Alex laughed. “Are you sure you have that much trust in me? For all you know, I could have told you I wanted to kidnap you for ransom money.”

“Well, do you?” John asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I mean, it would mean I’d get you all to myself…” Alex said. “But of course I wouldn’t want to take you away from everyone else. Unless you wanted to.”

“Alex, what do you think we’re doing right now? You got rid of people specifically so we could be alone. And you may be an honorable man, but we both know you’d love the chance to steal me away.”

Alex sighed. “Still, kidnapping is probably not a recommended course of action. He looked at John, slowly letting his gaze wander over every feature. “Now then, where were we?” He smiled. “ _Je veux que vous. J'ai besoin de vous_.”

“Alex,” John moaned.

“Right here,” Alex whispered. “ _Je vais la baise toi comme un professionnel_.”

“Oh,” John gasped, his heart beating faster. He leaned forward slowly, their lips brushing against each other, then hovering less than an inch apart. They stayed there for a second, each feeling the other’s breath hot on their lips. Tentatively, Alex pressed his lips to John’s. John slowly wrapped his arms around Alex, who threw his arms against the other with an intensity neither of them had expected. He felt a sharp intake of breath, and then John was smashing his lips into Alex’s at full force. Alex gasped, and he moaned as John’s tongue took advantage of the opening. A warmth spread across Alex’s body, growing hotter and hotter until he felt that he was burning up. His hands slid down, and John pressed against his hips. He felt the warmth, too, but as the heat built and his heart raced, a sudden realization hit him. John recoiled like he’d been shot. “I’m sorry,” he said, standing up.

Alex frowned, tears forming faster than he could blink them away. “I shouldn’t have,” he said, staring at the ground. “I didn’t realize… I thought you…”

John shook his head. “That’s not what I’m apologizing for,” he said, placing his hand Alex’s cheek. “This was good,” he said, smiling. “Very good,” he said, and Alex returned the smile, cheek flushing. “It’s just there’s someone else I need to talk to.” Alex nodded solemnly. “Before we can go any further.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to Nell (aka ask-henriette-lafayette) for the dialogue "I fucked up"/"Fuck me up in French, please". That was her idea, as was the language kink. Thanks!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, and more Lafayette angst bc if I'm gonna make him suffer, he's gonna be thinking about it. I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you, Lafayette.

Lafayette lay in an empty bed, trying not to cry. Of course it was empty. It would always be empty. He’d dreamed of having someone to share his life with, but right now, all he wanted was to share a moment. He just needed someone to show him that they cared. Not that they had to do anything to prove that they cared. But he was lonely, and frustrated, and he couldn’t find anyone to meet his needs. No, that was a lie. He had found plenty of people that could meet his needs, but he turned them all away. He wanted them, oh God, he wanted them. But he couldn’t ever have them, so why try? Why fight a losing battle? The other challengers had all the advantages he did not. It was too painful to lose, too painful to try, best to give up without ever beginning. The potential pain was too great a risk for the potential pleasure. So he continued with a guarantee of pain. It was safer that way, he told himself. Safer not to dream. And if thoughts came to him at night, well, that was the furthest he would ever get. Stay in the discomfort of his mind, never venture into the unknown. At this rate, the only way he would get happiness is if it came knocking at his door.

“Hello?” Lafayette jumped up, startled, and walked towards the front of the tent. It was John and Alex. “We were wondering if you’d care to join us,” Alex asked. Lafayette nodded, not daring to speak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that brings us to the end of what I've written. Don't worry, there is more. You'll have to wait a few days (or maybe weeks) for me to finish writing the epilogue, and then I'm going to write some bonus content in the form of an alternate ending. In the meantime, feel free to express your appreciation and/or impatience via comments. You can also go visit my tumblr at vortexofdeduction.tumblr.com.


	10. Chapter 10

Sorry guys this is an author's note not an actual chapter lol

Can anyone help me with the epilogue? My original translator seems to have gone AWOL, I need someone to help me come up with words and phrases in French (message me on tumblr or leave a comment here and we can discuss it more).

Also I have an alternate ending planned out (it would split off at chapter 6, think of it like canon divergence). Would anyone read that if I wrote it out? (Don't worry, it wouldn't replace the current ending, it would just be another way to read the story lol

Thanks for all the kudos and comments, you guys are awesome!


End file.
